How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
wow bdsm is so cute
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
