for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
