Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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