I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
