you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
