i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Oh god it's open bar.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
