Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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