Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
