I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
