There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
