just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
