Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
