This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
