3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
