so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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