Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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