Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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