and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
