is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
