vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
