Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Randomize
