ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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