if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
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