Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
