i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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