just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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