my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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