If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
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