She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
