He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
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In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
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So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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