hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
