I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Randomize
