i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
