OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
