as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
