i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
