Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
