it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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