I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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