Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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