We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
