stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
