You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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