Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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