i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Boobs speak an international language.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
