i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
