oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
