Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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