True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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