the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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