as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
