they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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