You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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