just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
