im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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