I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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