if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
