those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I think my fart just growled at me.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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