Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
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Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
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Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
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