Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
