dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
