i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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