i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
