waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
