I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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