She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
