All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
