dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
