Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
