I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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