i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
