i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
