i think my tv is drunk
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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