I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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