I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
