the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
