when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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